Lost Love – Surviving 3 Miscarriages
Statistics show 1 in every 5 women suffer a miscarriage. I have been that woman three times.
Miscarriages are devastating events in one’s life. Suffering a miscarriage can leave you feeling broken, inadequate, lonely, angry, and overall greatly depressed. Some women are able to bounce back after a miscarriage while other women carry the pain with them and are afraid to let the only memories of their children fade.
My Miscarriage Story
Early 2012 I suffered my first miscarriage. At the time my daughter was 14 months old and I was still breastfeeding. I found out I was expecting my second child at the end of 2011. Shortly after the new year I fell incredibly sick and thought I had the flu. My husband rushed me to the hospital and we were given the news that I was severely dehydrated and I was going through what is called “A Threatened Miscarriage.”
While we were there we had an unscheduled sonogram. We had never heard our baby’s heartbeat before and we didn’t expect to hear it that night because I wasn’t very far along. But what we heard felt like a miracle, a sign from God, that everything was going to be okay. Arriving back home, although I was encouraged by the heartbeat, I was feeling heavy with the news that I was threatening miscarriage.
I did all that I could to save my baby. I was still incredibly sick and I was forced to stop breastfeeding my daughter for the well being of my unborn child and for myself. I did all that I could to prevent a miscarriage from happening but I failed. I lost the baby the day after I heard my baby’s heartbeat in the Emergency Room. At that point in my life it was the hardest thing that I ever had to go through. Not only was that my first miscarriage, and although I didn’t know it yet, in hindsight it was also my first experience with Hyperemesis Gravidarum. A condition in which 1 in every 4 pregnancies result in loss.
The morning that I found out that I lost my baby I noticed something wrong. I had my husband take me to my OB that I had trusted for many years. The doctor did a sonogram and confirmed that I had miscarried. To him it was no big deal. Our pregnancy and our loss did not seem to register with him. He smiled, threw his hands up, and let us know that these things happen. There was no compassion, no sincerity, and no empathy. He had nothing else to say to us and had the nurse discharge us without giving us a chance to process or to ask questions.
We transferred my care to a different facility; To one that I felt I would be provided better care. After being given the green light to try for another pregnancy we were overjoyed and beyond scared when we saw positive results on our home pregnancy test. Everything felt right this time. I wasn’t incredibly sick and seeing my belly get bigger, was to me, a good sign.
My husband and I still have vivid memories of the day we went to hear our baby’s heartbeat and possibly get our first sonogram. We were so excited, it was like we were dancing on air. It is hard to remember few moments in my life when I was happier. When they called our name to finally have a look at our little baby we jumped up. When the OB’s office couldn’t pick up a heartbeat on the fetal doppler we panicked. We were immediately given a sonogram and it was revealed that I had a blighted ovum. As the technician started explaining that a blighted ovum meant I was pregnant but without a baby growing in my belly all the joy that we had felt that day got turned upside down.
I was told my body would naturally miscarry but it didn’t. I remained pregnant for a few weeks. I still had all of the pregnancy symptoms including a growing uterus and rising HCG numbers. My husband and I felt frozen. We went back repeatedly to see if somehow our baby was avoiding the camera. We prayed about it, we read about it, and we talked about it, but every time we went back there was no baby in my belly. It resulted in me having to get a D & C procedure done and it only added more misery to the situation.
Read more about a blighted ovum here.
Later that same year, we tried again but were terrified. We couldn’t imagine another miscarriage in the same year, let alone three in a row. When we saw the two blue lines pop up in the pregnancy test window we kept our excitement at bay until we were given good news by my midwives. The good news never came.
After hearing a heartbeat my husband insisted on having a sonogram done because of our history. The midwife was compassionate enough to have one ordered for our peace of mind.
It wasn’t a blighted ovum this time and I wasn’t horribly sick; it was a pregnancy where the sac was attached too low. I was given the news that even though my baby had a very healthy heartbeat it was ultimately going to end in a miscarriage.
The feeling was sickening – Being told that something horrible was inevitable while trying to keep faith that all the doctors could be wrong. Some days I can still hear the strong steady heartbeat in my head. Every day I wondered if this was it… it took a few weeks and eventually I did miscarry. It was difficult knowing that the baby I was carrying wasn’t going to make it. I remember every vivid detail of the miscarriage. I remember my baby. It was the hardest miscarriage that I had gone through and I’ll never forget it.
Even though miscarriages are very common they are still difficult to experience. Not only does the mother of the baby suffer, the father does as well. Miscarrying can cause tension in relationships that create marital issues. Miscarriages can also bring couples closer together. It really depends on how the couple approaches the situation – Place blame or to work through the misery together. My husband and I chose the latter.
Several years later we still have open communication about the children we have lost. We still have sorrow over those days, but we have it together. Knowing that I haven’t had to go through this alone has helped me cope tremendously. Suffering a miscarriage can feel isolating. It is important to not isolate yourself and seek professional help if you feel overwhelmed.
Facts on miscarriage:
A miscarriage is the loss of a pregnancy before 20 weeks gestation.
Miscarriages can be caused by genetic issues, viral infections, and medical conditions such as diabetes or thyroid disease.
According to WebMD these are the signs & symptoms of a Miscarriage:
Bleeding which progresses from light to heavy
Any pregnant woman experiencing these pains should be treated immediately by their obstetrician or Emergency Room Department.
Having children after miscarriages
My husband and I survived three consecutive miscarriages, all while taking care of ourselves and two daughters. After each miscarriage we made the painful decision to try again. There were weeks and months that I swore to my husband that I would never try again, that I did not want to try again, and that we already endured more that I could handle. I was scared that if I suffered anymore loss I wouldn’t be able to pick myself up to be part of my husband’s life or our daughters’. After the first miscarriage I was scared, but I did want to try because I thought it was just a fluke. Although none of the causes of the miscarriages were related after we lost the second it became harder. After the third, it was unbearable.
About one year after our last miscarriage we put it into God’s hands. We weren’t trying but we also weren’t trying to prevent a pregnancy. After we found out we were pregnant we remained reserved. We avoided sharing the pregnancy as long as we could, even with family and friends. We didn’t buy clothes or toys until late into the pregnancy. This pregnancy ended successfully with one of the most amazing little boys I have ever met. However, the journey for this pregnancy was more difficult that anything that I had been through in any of my previous pregnancies. It was enough to kill me. If you’re interested please read my story “Growing My Son” and “Hyperemesis Gravidarum – I’m a HG Survivor.”